Introduction to Neuro Lingusitic Programming ( NLP )

Neuro Lingusitic Programming ( NLP )

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming which is a revolutionary approach to human communication and personal development. Some people call it ‘the art and science of personal excellence’ and others ‘ the study of subjective experience.’ It offers state of the art skills in interpersonal communication and practical ways to change the way you think and behave thus forming better relationships, establishing a new level of confidence and achieving success in every aspect of daily life.

Definition :

Neuro – how you think

Linguistic – how you use language and what language you use

Programming – controlling your state of mind and aligning your beliefs and values

to achieve your goals.

This degree of personal control will give you confidence as well as boosting self esteem.

Bandler and Grinder ( founders of NLP ) met in the 70’s in California when Grinder was a teacher and Bandler was a student. Bandler started to edit Gestalt Therapy scripts and discovered that language patterns discerned which scripts worked better than others whereas before hand little was known of this.

THE DEFINITION

Understand and practising NLP will help you :

Build personal relationships, increase your persuasive skills, have a positive mental attitude, increase your self esteem, overcome the effects of past negative experiences, focus on goals and channel your energy into achieving them, perform at your best, control the way you feel, align your values and beliefs with what you want to achieve, change unwanted habits, feel confident in whatever you attempt to do, achieve goals you previously thought were impossible, establish rapport with clients, customers and work colleagues, find creative ways to solve problems, enjoy activities you used to fear, use your time effectively, increase your sense of purpose in life, acquire the skills you admire in others & get more pleasure out of life.

There is nothing complicated about NLP. Moreover it is complete common sense. Once you begin to understand the basics everything else will slot into place. We often race through our days / life without listening carefully to what we say, how we say it and where we say it ( internally to ourselves or verbally to others ). When we slow down and really listen it is fascinating to notice how what we are saying / thinking is affecting us – sometimes positively and sometimes negatively.

There is a process identified in NLP which breaks down the stages of Learned Behaviour as follows :

Learned Behaviour : for example Learning to drive.

UI – Unconscious Incompetence

you are unaware that it may be useful to learn to drive a car

CI – Conscious Incompetence

you become aware that it may be useful to learn to drive a car however you have no idea how to do it

CC – Conscious Competence

you get in the car with a driving instructor and are consciously aware you are being taught / learning to drive the car

UC – Unconscious Competence

you drive the car automatically – on ‘ auto pilot ’

Making Changes

When you are learning a new skill whether it be learning to drive, making changes in your life, losing weight, managing stress and anxiety and so on this process from Unconscious Incompetence to Unconscious Competence will be integral to your success.

Characteristics of a predominantly Auditory person –

Move their eyes sideways when accessing thoughts and often tilt their head sideways as if ‘lending an ear ’ or as if on the telephone.

Breathe from the middle of their chest

Easily distracted by noise and typically talk to themselves silently often moving their lips as they do

Speak in more resonant tones with their voice sounding rhythmic / musical

They repeat things back to you easily, learn through listening and like talking on the telephone

They memorise sequentially by steps and sequences and like to ‘ hear’ feedback in conversation.

Language :

They favour words like hear, listen, sound, tune in/out, be all ears, rings a bell, resonate, overtones, outspoken, tell, clear as a bell, voice an opinion, word for word and so on.

Characteristics of a predominantly Kinaesthetic person –

Typically breathe from the bottom of their lungs and consequently you can see their stomach go in and out as they breathe.

They tend to look down and to the right when accessing memories.

Often have quite a deep voice and speak slowly with deliberate phrasing and gaps in between phrases. They seem to process thoughts much more slowly than the quick speaking visual person.

They respond to physical rewards and touching and tend to stand closer to people in conversation.

They memorise by doing or ‘walking through’ something and have an interest in how things

‘ feel.’

Language :

They favour words like feel, touch, grasp, get hold of, catch on, make contact, tap into, turn around, concrete, hard, touch base, boils down to, come to grips with, hand in hand and so on.

Other less dominant modalities are :

Gustatory ( taste ) language indicator ‘ a taste of her own medicine ’

Olfactory ( smell ) language indicator ‘ something smells fishy to me ’

Practising identification of a person’s dominant modality can be carried out by looking at emails you may have received. Look for example at how a person ‘signs off ’ their email – see you soon ( Visual ), give me a bell when you get time ( auditory ), let me know how you feel about it ( kinaesthetic ) and so on. Read through their email for other indicators to support your selection.

Modality work is also supported by looking at Eye Accessing Cues : People who look upwards for information are generally visual people, those that look directly at you are Auditory and those who look down for information when asked for it are Kinaesthetic/ feelings people.

Exercise.

Practising establishing a person’s dominant modality can be done easily by watching a news programme or chat show. Watch and listen to the interviewer and the interviewee’s communication. Watch their eye accessing cues when they are asked a question. The direction of their eyes not only indicates their sensory preference but also whether they are accessing real memories or constructing new ones. This need not mean they are lying ( however it might ) as it may be that infact they are using existing information to form a new opinion about something. All construction is not necessarily lies.

Establishing a person’s dominant modality helps you to communicate with them ‘ in their own language ’ hence the ability to build rapport quickly. It also encourages you to listen to and watch attentively the other person and switch off or turn down your own internal dialogue. Because you are listening to what they are saying you are much more likely to ask questions and make comments that illustrate to them that you have indeed been paying attention – again building rapport. Most people like to talk about themselves so if you are a nervous conversationalist listen attentively and ask open questions and this will maintain the other persons flow of conversation until you feel confident enough to ‘ talk back.’

Interesting questions to ask yourself :

Secratic Questions :

What would happen if you did ?

What would not happen if you did ?

What would happen if you did not ?

What would not happen if you did not ?

Quotations :

‘ No one ever listened themselves out of a job ’ - US President Calvin Coolidge

‘ The most basic need of human beings is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them ’ – Ralph Nichols

‘ The quality of your attention determines the quality of the other persons thinking ’– Nancy Kline

NLP Courses and Training

If you are interested in NLP please feel free to give me a call. I run courses as well as offering individual sessions from my practise in Buckingham. An individual session is £80 for 2 hours. For groups of people ( up to 8 ) the charge is £100 for two hours / £200 for four hours. This is an all inclusive price ( not £100 per person ).

For bigger groups there is a small additional charge for hire of a larger room.

Telephone : 01908 989 652 / 07968 106113.